A Little Sugar

You know that old expression that "you catch more flies with sugar than vinegar"?  Well, I guess for my son, discipline is vinegar and praise is sugar.  After a couple of difficult months at school where he and the staff were both becoming frustrated, I realized that the more they tried to "crack down" on him, the worse his attitude became and the more trouble he had.  What do you do?

I thought back over his childhood.  What was his basic, driving personality?  What would make him "straighten up"? None of the things he had done were malicious, but there were some issues with respect/obedience for adults.

The long and short of it was that we have a smart kid who is done and ready to move on while others are still working and the teacher is helping those students.  Enter boredom.  We also have a VERY kinesthetic child who cannot sit still for more than five minutes.  Enter excess energy.  We also just happen to have an extroverted kid who wants to have someone paying attention to him at ALL times.  Enter silly behavior to get attention.  And just to make it interesting, he is also very Strong willed.  Enter willingness to take the consequences to get some attention.

As author Cynthia Tobias said of herself (another strong-willed child), "I don't have a problem with authority.  I have a problem with how it's presented."  She then explained that, if you come at her pointing your finger in her face, she will defy you just to prove that you are NOT the boss of her. However, if you come to her in a manner that asks her to work with you, she'll most likely do it.
Now how do we translate this to school?

I knew that we were at a cross-roads.
I knew that if he continued to recieve mostly negative attention, there was the distinct possibility that he would quit trying to be good.  I had a friend that did that. He told me one day that everyone had already decided he was "the bad seed" and he was tired of trying to prove that he wasn't.  I didn't want that to happen to J.
I also knew how hard he would try if he really thought he could get your honest approval.  I had seen it before.  When you acknowledge something good or helpful that he does (especially without being asked), he starts doing more things to try to get that "atta-boy" again (remember the extrovert part?). That sounded like a much better way to go.

So I talked to the principle and teacher and they are trying to make more of an effort to recognize when he has done something good.  And you know what happened?
The first day, the teacher sent home a note about a good choice he made. Did that have any effect on him?

It is amazing. From that simple change, we have gotten not one, but TWO weeks of good attitude and good, even helpful, behavior both at school and at home.  All he needed was a chance to believe that we saw the good in him. 

 Did I mention silly & extroverted?

If you know someone who has been struggling with a bad attitude or behavior, try finding just ONE good thing that you can take notice of and see if they don't start adding more.
And no matter how frustrating your kids can be (I understand!) make sure that they know that, not only do you love them, but you CHOOSE them over any other kid.  Watch the effect that THAT has on them! 

The Great Bread Experiment: Artisan Bread

I posted last week that I finally figured out what I was doing wrong and, in the process, found a great recipe.  In my search for a good recipe, I bought a "Guide To Homemade Bread" magazine from Grit.  Becky Sell wrote an article on the Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day that I keep hearing about. It sounded pretty easy, so I decided to give it a try.

What I got was a very flavorful Italian like bread. A little too heavy for sandwiches, but great as a dinner or breakfast bread. This bread worked with just butter, honey, jelly and as garlic bread. We loved it!You could also add other things into it, like herbs or cheese for more flavor.

Sorry I didn't get pictures. I wasn't sure it would work after my first three fiascos. I'll take some and post them next time.

Ingredients:
3 cups warm water
1 1/2 Tbs salt (sea or Kosher, NOT table)
1 1/2 Tbs dry yeast
6 1/2 c all-purp flour, NOT packed
*can sub up to  2 1/2 c whole wheat flour*

Directions:
1. Pour warm water into mixing bowl. Add salt, then gently add yeast (it will spread across top).
2. Add flour. Turn mixer on lowest speed until you have noticed that it slows down (about 30 secs). Turn mixer up a notch and mix until dough starts to form a ball and pick up the extra flour from around the edges (about 30 secs).
3. Remove bowl from mixer. Scrape dough off dough hook. Cover bowl with lid that doesn't seal completely and let rise for for 2 hours. The dough will be sticky. You can put it in the fridge for an hour or so to make it more manageable.
4. Sprinkle bottom of baking pan or stone with flour, cornmeal, etc or grease with butter or line with parchment paper.
5. For Round Loaves: form two balls and place on baking/pizza stone
    For Pan Loaves: form loaves, place in loaf pans
    Slash tops of loaves to allow even rise.
6. Place a boiler pan or brownie pan on the bottom rack when you turn on the oven. Just before putting the bread in the oven, carefully pour 1 1/2 cups water into the pan, put bread in and quickly close the door.
7. Bake round loaves at 450 for 30 min or pan loaves at 350 for 60 min.

Dough can be stored in a non-airtight container in fridge for up to two weeks. It becomes sourdough after one week.

"I do it Myself!"

"I do it Myself!" This is something my just turned two year old proudly declares when (she thinks) she has done something all by herself.  She is so excited and proud of her newfound ability to accomplish things.  Somewhere along the line, most of us lose that and would rather have someone else do things for us.  We as a culture have lost the work ethic and ingenuity that made our country great.  Well, I for one, am working on getting mine back.

It's not that I've ever been a slacker, but I have been so caught up in being busy, that I haven't had time to enjoy and take pride in my work.  Even in the mundane like laundry, you can look at the piles of clean and neatly folded clothes and towels and take a moment to feel that sense of accomplishment that you did a good job.  It doesn't matter that half of them will be dirty again the next day.  It matters that you did your job well today.

I have realized that there are many "chores" that I actually enjoy if I am not doing a slip-shod rush job to get on to the next thing.  There is something about knowing that I helped make my part of the world a nicer, more beautiful place that makes me happy.  By the same token, when I am doing a slip-shod rush job, I get no enjoyment from it all; partly because I am not giving myself time to enjoy it and partly because I know I am not doing as good of a job as I can do or should be doing.

I also had another realization: my kids are learning their work ethic or lack there of from me. If I want them to feel like doing something for yourself can be rewarding, I have to show that in my attitude and how I approach chores and projects. I also have to get them (at least the six year old) involved and not do everything for them. That second part we've already been working on and I think it will be easier if he sees a positive attitude from me about my own work.

On a side note, I have been becoming more and more aware of a few things regarding some of the cleaning chores which are really starting to bother me.
1. Have you noticed that almost EVERY disease and "disability" is on the rise in our country? Particularly cancer, autism, gastro-intestinal issues and immune system issues (allergies).
2. Have you noticed that almost EVERY food, drink and cleaner marketed for Americans to put in and around our bodies are chock full of chemicals or are "genetically modified"?
3. Have you noticed how ridiculous the prices are for the chemicals to "clean" your house so you won't get sick?
4. Have you noticed how widely prescribed and expensive the medicines are to treat the issues from #1 are?
5. Have you noticed there's not a whole lot of publicity about all of this?
So I'm thinking that #1 & #2 are CLEARLY related. And I'm thinking that all the big political supporters are making so much money off of #3 & #4 that they don't want anything changed, hence #5.

I'm not expecting any politicians or companies to do anything about this anytime soon. However, I can take steps to change that in my own house.

Instead of buying the expensive chemicals that someone else made, I am going to be trying some good old DIY (thank you Pinterest) Non-toxic cleaners which, by the way, cost a fraction of the brand name cleaning chemicals.  We (got to have helpers for this one) are also going to plant our own garden so that we know what has and has not been put on the plants. I am going to use as many heirloom plants as I can since I know that they have not been genetically modified.

I've already gotten started, and I will let you know how my experiments turn out!