I had written a post some time ago about how even good things can be hindrances because they take up the time and space and finances that could be used for something even better. We did a pretty good job of clearing out a lot of "stuff" from our house. My son J struggled with this. He is a natural pack rat and sees everything, and I mean EVERY THING as somehow useful. Of course since then, we have had birthdays and Christmas, which automatically add back into the hoard. Time to clear out and organize again.
This time there is an added element for me. I did really well clearing stuff out of the house. I don't really care about too many of the things in the house. If it's not useful or really adding something to the decor, it can go.
This time, however, I had to make the decision to get rid of some of the stuff in the barn. Horses. Those hay-burning, fence-breaking, grain-gobbling, wonderful beasts that give me comfort when I am stressed, that carry me into other worlds and allow me to fly when I am their passenger, that listen and let me lean on them when no one else wants to hear what I have to say. Those.
I have gone back and forth on this decision so many times. I have even put a couple up for sale before but the market was not good and I got a delay. But now. Now, as the market improves. Now, when I am no longer teaching lessons. Now, as I am trying in all areas to be a better steward of all the things God has given into my care. Now, as we analyze our finances and time with three kids and homeschooling. Now, we Must sell some. And that was only half of the decision.
So now, as I look at our horses and their usefulness to us (and TRY to keep my emotions out of it), I have made a couple of easy decisions and a very difficult one.
Luckily for me, Steele, my first horse love, my horse it took me 18 years to get, is also super safe for kids and trails, so I get to keep him. Honestly, it would take having to make a choice between him and my husband or house for me to even consider selling him. He is my very special some pony! Super Easy!
Danny was an easy one. He is the perfect size for kids, but your classic obstinate pony with attitude. He never cared for working in the ring. He wants to be a trail horse and I just don't have that kind of property and we don't go anywhere often enough. He needs a family that would do that. Easy.
Dance, who was older and not blending in to the rest of the herd, would be happier somewhere with a horse that Needed a buddy and wouldn't reject her. Easy.
The other one I decided to keep is Flash. He is Sky's little brother and my trouble-maker. He has figured out more than once how to let everybody out when he didn't feel like staying in the pasture. But. But he is gentle, willing to please, smart and not afraid. He has a ways to go in his training (because of his lax owner), but he is safe. Even when he gets nervous, he listens to direction and THAT's what I want in a horse for my kids. Easy.
Then there are these two:
Sky, who is one of the most beautiful, athletic and intelligent animals I have ever worked with, who I watched being born, needs someone who can make use of her endless energy and can answer the challenge of her rider's worthiness to be in charge.
Slate, who was so shy when I bought him that I could only get him into the barn because he would follow Sky and now will come and rest his head against my chest for comfort. One of the sweetest horses I have ever known but is too sensitive to his rider for me to put kids on. Oh, if only I could keep him for myself! But we have set a limit and there were reasons for that.
How do I choose? They both have specific issues and need an experienced rider. I can ride them but they will take some work to be useful for the kids. Slate has my heart but Sky would probably do better for the kids in the long run. I was VERY apprehensive about whether anyone would be good enough for Slate. He is SO sensitive and gets nervous and unsure of himself. He really needed someone who would reassure him, handle him gently, ride quietly and make him feel safe. Whichever one we keep will be my ride as Steele gets older and needs to be retired to smaller riders. Hard!
I decided to put them both up for sale and trust God to find the right person for one of them and help me develop the one that stayed.
And God came through! As he always does. I got absolutely NO responses to the ad on Sky. I got several for Slate, but I wanted to hold on to him. He needed me. And then...and then an email from "K"...
Something told me this girl was Slate's match. Something told me he would feel safe and happy with her. When she came to look at him, it was instant. He was watching her, moving toward her, trusting her. She got on and within 5 minutes, he had relaxed, accepting her, trusting her. I knew I had to let him go. God had something better in mind than my selfish desire to cling to him. Now, I get pictures of Slate and K, his person. He is clearly happy and loved. I am at peace.
How many times does it take for us to learn to trust God?
I think God had me let go of Slate for this very reason; to remind me that he already has a handle on it. Even the things we are Most worried about. God has already got it figured it out but we have to let it go and trust him to take care of it. Now if I can just hold on to this lesson and translate it into the other parts of my life.
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