Mishap Magnet

You have to laugh when things go wrong.
At least I do. I know it sounds weird. But I have to. 

You see, I am a bona fide Mishap Magnet. It's true. Ask my mom. She used to call me her "little walking accident". If it could be knocked over, tripped over or run into I'd find it. I have a special knack for things not going quite according to plan.

I have been very fortunate that not very many of my mishaps have been on the scale of life threatening, although there have been a few of those, too.  Most of them are those little inconveniences that we just don't have the time or patience to deal with. Sometimes they seem so big because they impact something else but, in the long-run, they aren't that big. That's what we have to remember. Most of these won't matter in five years.

Along my journey down the accident-laden trail, I have realized something. Things almost Never go according to plan and it's going to affect you. Here's the thing: you decide how they affect you.

I see so many people who allow these little frustrations to get to them. They get mad or irritated or feel put upon and let that feeling grow and grow with each event. Eventually, all of these little things build up into one big giant thing and they are bitter and unhappy because their life isn't what they want it to be.

Things go wrong for everyone. And everyone has the choice to dwell on them or laugh at them and let them go.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I never get frustrated. I'm an emotional extrovert by nature, so I understand the frustration and irritation and exasperation. But then, you've got to see the humor and the irony in these things. I learned to chuckle at the sitcom qualities of my life (even in the midst of a moment of exasperation) a long time ago and it's been one of the best life lessons for me. Because things are going to go wrong. A lot. And I want to enjoy my life.

For your enjoyment, a few examples from my own life. Go ahead, laugh. It's good for you.

- Lost keys/phone/homework/backpack/shoes/you name it as you're trying to head out the door to work or school.
- Accidentally deleted over twelve pages of a fifteen page paper
- Barely finishing a paper on time and the printer wouldn't print (technology and I aren't friends)
- Spent over an hour gathering groceries (making sure to check for sales). Get in line with a full cart, put everything on the counter and...left my wallet at home. And I've done that one more than once!
- Got stopped for speeding when I was running late for an important meeting at work.
- Drove four hours to a conference I was leading music at, got ten minuted from the hotel and my car dies. Apparently, when I had my oil changed a few days before, they didn't think it odd that they didn't have to take any oil out to put several quarts in and did not notice the quarter-sized hole in my oil pan. Had to replace the entire engine.
- Got a new car. Had a friend drive it home for me the day we bought it. She got in a wreck. Officer: How long have you had this car? Me: One day!
- New house (no fence), puppy in master w/pee pad in bathroom. No pee, but he Did destroy the Entire bed set: pillows, comforter, etc along with several books and shoes and the bed frame. It literally looked like it had snowed from all the pillow fluff.
- Got paint to match an item to go in a room, painted the whole room and the color didn't match.
- Tied orange tape to the trees we wanted to save when clearing for our house. They knocked those down the first day!
- Rode six horses at the barn I worked at, no problem. My back went out getting off a little pony who was standing still! Out of commission for three weeks.
- Was going to show my cousins my riding (they had never seen me do it). Get to the barn and someone had used the horse I was supposed to ride. She was handed to me hot and sweaty, so I hosed her off and took her out bareback. And it was July 4th. And someone shot of illegal fireworks. And I wasn't wearing a helmet... hellloooo concussion!
- So far I have brought two hurricanes and three tropical storms with me when I have visited my dad and stepmom.
- Visiting my dad and stepmom (they lived on a boat), the dingy to get to shore couldn't hold all three of us plus my bag, so dad rowed me & my bag to shore, then I was supposed to row back out to the boat to get my stepmom. At four o'clock in the morning (the airport was on another island). With a hurricane coming. Between the dark and the wind and high waves, I couldn't find the boat. I circled the anchorage twice before I heard her calling to me. Thought I was going to drown within sight of land on that one!
- Had my nose broken three times. All on accident. All by people I know. One was my mother by opening a door (love you Mom!).
- My "not broken" toe still has a bump that hurts when you push on it five months later.
- Twice pulled a muscle without moving more than six inches!
- Spent a week planning something special for the boy for good behavior and had to cancel because he decided to make up for lost time misbehaving the day of the event.
- Spending an hour picking up a mess it took my child two minutes to make (again and again and again)
- Telling a child not to do something and they just have to do it one more time (again and again and again). Come on, it's funny. Especially when they have been warned there will be consequences and you know they are going to do it anyway. It's like they can't stop themselves.
- Got all dressed up for a Halloween birthday party and, when we got there, no one was there. The party had been the day before.
- My wedding gets it's own category:
     - The caterer for our rehearsal dinner forgot about it
     - My stepmom and great aunt went to go pick up the food and got lost for three hours
     - I tripped on the lining of my dress going up the steps
     - I forgot the words to the song I was singing to my new husband
     - When I threw my bouquet, it hit the ceiling on the way to the girls and fell straight down to the no man's land in between us.
     - there were a few others but trivial compared to these ;)
- My birthday also gets it's own category:
     - fractured ribs
     - food poisoning
     - double eye infection
     - party fail (long story)
     - my first ambulance ride
     - broken nose!

I hope you have gotten a chuckle or two out of my misadventures! Take a minute and reflect on your own. How many things in your life that seemed so terrible or irritating or frustrating at the time are funny now? If we can keep a hold of that prospective, we can learn to chuckle even in the midst of those moments or at least soon there after. And once you can laugh at it, you break the power it has to make you unhappy. It's your choice. I choose to laugh at the sitcom moments of my life!

B now thinks the puzzle pieces Belong on the floor!

Lessons from Horses: Trust Issues

Working with horses has taught me so much. I have learned perseverance, empathy, patience, and many things that translate into parenting.  Today, one of my horses taught me a lesson in trust.

 Slate and Sky

You see, horses are by nature very large scaredy cats.  They are prey animals so their first reaction to anything new is "Can that eat me!?!"  In most domesticated horses, this instinct has been dulled from disuse. However in some this instinct is still strong. I have two of these.  And just to show that horses can be as different as people, one is afraid of new stuff and the other one, who was not handled enough as a young horse, is overly sensitive to what others do.  If you stay calm, so will he, but if you get nervous or aggressive, he becomes very nervous and it difficult to calm him back down.  The funny thing is, when you put the two of them together, they affect each other.

I have had Sky (the one afraid of stuff) since she was born.  She is not bothered by anything you might do but if there's a loose plastic bag blowing around watch out!  Slate, on the other hand, I purchased as he turned one.  When I first brought him home I could not catch him in the field.  The only way I could get Slate to come in to the barn was to get Sky and take her in. He would follow her all the way to the stall.  He trusted her.  He wasn't so sure about me.  That was five years ago.  We've come a long way since then.

 

Sweet babies

 Of course, the opposite is also sometimes true.  Every now and then, when Sky freaks out about something, that herd survival instinct kicks in and he spooks, too. Tonight that was exactly what happened:
      I have my farm set up so that when the horses are out I can put their dinner in their stalls and then just open the gate to the pasture and they will go into their stalls. Sometimes I will put my hand under the jaw of one and walk with them. I use this as practice in case I ever need to catch or lead them and don't have a halter and lead rope.
      We had a large cardboard box turned fort for J. Of course, they didn't like it at first but they got used to seeing it before too long. Then it got left in the rain and collapsed sideways and the wind blew it to a whole new part of the yard (changing locations is just as bad as changing shapes to horses).
      As I was bringing the horses in tonight, they caught sight of this new scary monster in the front yard and every single one of them spooked (aka freaked out)!  The collapsed fort was closer to the barn than they were and they were not going anywhere near it!
     I just happened to be walking with Slate tonight.  When he yanked his head away from me and ran, I went after him. I don't want him to think it's ok to yank away from me even if he is scared.  He did let me catch him again but he still didn't trust me enough to walk past the scary fort monster, at least not by himself. None of the other horses wanted to go past it either.
     This time, I went to the barn and got a halter. Instead of putting it on Slate, I put it on Steele.  Steele is my "Old Steady."  His prey instinct is not as strong as the others' so he doesn't get as upset as they do.  I've also had Steele for thirteen years.  We have been through a lot together and he trusts me.  So when I put the halter on him and told him he was okay, he believed me and followed me willingly.  Steele is also the herd leader.  The other horses know they can trust him to protect them for he has earned his place.  They followed us in just like Slate used to follow Sky.

 Steele

     Once they were all safely in, I went back to Slate, put his halter on and took him back out to the yard.  He was very nervous but he came.  I walked with him toward the crumpled fort, stopping every so often to let him look at it and give him time to get used to seeing it.  When we got to it, I did something he really didn't like.  I stomped on it!  It moved.  It made noise.  He did Not like this.  I kept doing it for a few minutes anyway. 
     And then I saw it. 
     His demeanor changed as he realized that it wasn't hurting us and I was the one making the noise.   And he relaxed a little.  I stepped off the cardboard and gave him a good rub and lots of praise and he put his head on my chest.  This is something he does both for affection and reassurance (and why he is the favorite with my mom and several students).  I stroked his face and told him he was okay.  And then I got on the cardboard again.  He still didn't like it but he was nowhere near as nervous as he had been.  We did this a couple of times and by the end, he actually walked on it for me!  What a good, brave boy!

Relaxed with a calm rider

As I thought about all of this afterward, I reflected on how much trust it took for him to approach the thing that scared him and then to stay there and not leave; not that he had much choice since I was holding his lead rope.  I thought about how hard I had to work to earn his trust and how careful I have to be not to break the trust of this horse for whom it does not come naturally.  He is much like we humans are. 

When we see something scary on the horizon of our lives, we want to run.  When we feel God urging us to continue on our path even though it brings us to the scary thing, we want to yank away from him.  We do not trust God to take care of us through the difficult times in our lives.  We live in a fallen world, full of pain and sorrow.  It affects everybody. Not one single person will live their whole life without experiencing it. Sometimes, when bad or scary things happen, we blame God rather than trusting him (as Slate could have with me for bringing him closer to the fort). 

We need to remember that he cares for us and is there for us and trust him.  Think of all of the other times he has helped you or sent someone to go with you as I did for Slate by having Steele go first.  Even if no other person is there with you, God is just as I was with Slate while the others were in the barn.  I did not make him face his fear by himself.  You are never alone when you walk with God.  Trust him.  Put your head on God's chest first and let him hold you and reassure you if you need to.  I promise he won't mind.

I don't know about you, but I want to be a Steele, an "Old Steady" for God.  I want to develop so much trust in him that I am willing to follow him all the way on top of the scary stuff and lead others to Him.  That takes work and time.  It doesn't happen overnight.  But I read somewhere that if I'm willing, He can use me.

3 Updates

As you all know, I am not writing my posts from the realm of a completed and organized house. We are figuring things out as we go. Kind of like life, huh? So I have a few updates to some previous posts.

1. The Great Bread Experiment: Whole Wheat Bread #1
  When we tried this bread fresh out of the oven, we really liked it. It was soft and had a good whole wheat flavor. J ate it a couple of times and then started asking for "store bread" instead of the "new bread" for his sandwiches for lunch. Hmmm...I tried it (about four days post baking) and, while the flavor was still okay, it had gone stale. I had stored it the same way I had stored the white bread. Is this a wheat bread thing?
  I also realized that I usually buy Honey wheat bread for J's sandwiches, so that may have been a factor as well. Next time, I think I'll try a Honey Wheat. There's not a recipe for Honey Wheat in my Better Homes and Gardens Cook Book but I saw one in Betty Crocker.

2. My Home Management Binder
  When I first decided to make this binder, I had purchased a pretty binder. It had a black and white filigree down one side of the front and turquoise and chartreuse down the other. Then, as I started putting it together, I found that all of my tabs were sticking out the side and would soon break off. Apparently, all pretty binders are only one inch binders and all one inch binders are not made wide enough to cover tabbed dividers when you put them in sheet protectors.
  Luckily, I found the turquoise one that is featured in the post. Plain but wide enough and a pretty color which just happened to match my original folder. I know, none of this really matters. Except that pretty things, especially coordinated pretty things make me happy. Really happy. Yes I'm a dork. I've been aware of that for quite some time now.
  Anyway, when I put my Home Management Binder together, I only had five dividers, so I combined my contacts lists with the calendar. I figured that they were both just reference and I had most of the info in my phone anyway. Then I started thinking and I wasn't really happy with that. I also realized that, if I use my "Goals & Projects" section as much as I think I will, it's going to take over the notebook. Solution? I took that section and gave it it's own whole notebook which just happens to match my big binder! This has worked out extremely well given all of the projects I'm currently working on or planning for the future. I don't have to lug my big notebook everywhere and when I put them away (once I've organized their space), won't they look nice together?

3. A Smarter Kitchen
  This one is a small thing. In the pictures for this post, I have some of our cereal in some nice, sleek, space saving tupperware. There's one slight problem with that. To pour the cereal, you have to take the entire lid off. We have been trying to give J more responsibility, particularly for his own things. A six year old can NOT coordinate well enough to tip the container with one hand and use the other to keep all of he extra cereal from spilling everywhere. He just can't. Clean up in aisle four!
  I do have a couple of containers with a flap at one end, but they are wide- enough to be difficult for him to control well when pouring. So, Mom and I went to Walmart today and found a $3 Walmart brand cereal container that is a manageable width for J and has the smaller flap he can open at one end to control flow. We got two to try out. If they work well, I might get a couple more.

Tomorrow I will be posting about some of the projects I have been busy with this week and hopefully we'll get a chance to make that Honey Wheat bread recipe I saw.

As always, let me know if you have any ideas that have helped you!
 

A Smarter Kitchen

When I begin the task of organizing the house, I always feel like I should start in the kitchen. It is one of the most used rooms in the house and it has the most "stuff" traffic. I am not one of those super frugal extreme couponing moms but I do try to be smart about how I spend our money. Especially as I watch the cost of grocery items rise. I try to take advantage of sales (particularly buy one get one free) and coupons (combined with a sale).

Note: Buying groceries in bulk or on sale only saves you money if you actually use them!!

I have had an ongoing struggle with mealtime at my house. I think it is related to my tendency to get focused on "what needs to be done right now?" because I have been so busy playing catch up that I don't take the time to plan ahead.

Unfortunately, once I get all of these great cheaply purchased groceries home, I get busy. I have not really gotten into the habit of planning out my menu ahead of time and so, as I'm trying to get the kids to do (or not do) something or get one more thing done, I suddenly realize that it's almost dinnertime and I have NO idea what to make for dinner!

The other part is that, I not only have picky eaters, I have infrequent eaters. If I do make an actual meal, sometimes I am the only one who will eat it. I never know if J will like it, if B is having an eating day (some days she will only drink) or if Mike's stomach will let him eat that day. How do you shop for that? I used to shop as if we were all going to eat full meals throughout the week. Yeah, not so smart. Now I am trying to relearn shopping. Instead of getting everything at once, I shop for staples I know J will eat for breakfast and lunch and one meal. If I'm the only one who will eat it, that one meal will last all week.

In the meantime, before I changed my shopping habits, I had built up an impressive stock of goods...that we will never eat. So, part of my reorganizing of the house is also adjusting how I do stuff.

The first thing I did was wash and put away all my dishes, etc. so I could see what I really have. I went through all my "tupperware" and realized we have enough containers to store food for four families. Why? I kept the "good stuff" and the sets that stack inside of each other (wise space usage) and gave away the rest. There's probably still an extra family's worth in there, but it's better than it was.

The second thing I did was go through my pantry and cabinets. I tossed anything that was expired and I donated anything that was going to expire in the next two months. I figured that people relying on free food will definitely eat it whereas it may just expire and go to waste if I keep it.

For anything left, I grouped them by food type (cereal, fruit, meat, lunch sides). Big stuff like large drink containers go on the floor. I put the breakfast items and lunch sides on the bottom two rows so that J can see them and get to them easily. Now he can get these for himself. I put stuff I use to make dinner on the next shelf up and dessert stuff he might be tempted by at the very top, not that that would actually stop him if he really wanted something. Our pantry is not that big, so soups, drink mixes, baking ingredients and spices are in the cabinets. Here is what J's pantry shelves look like:

Once everything was in place, I labeled any storage containers (I got cheap all purpose labels at Walmart) and wrote the expiration dates on everything big enough to see easily with a Sharpie. Some of them are really hard to see otherwise. I figured if I'm taking the time to look now, I may as well make it easier for next time.

As I was going through doing that, I also created an inventory with expiration dates. From this inventory, I made a list of the foods that need to be used first. This way, as I plan my menu, I can try to use foods from the "Need to Use" list so that nothing else gets wasted.

If I do this pantry clear out and inventory every 2-3 months, I can be sure that all of those great deals that I bought will get used instead of wasted, either by our family or one in need.


I did a similar make over of my refrigerator and freezer.
1. Now that J is able to do more kitchen things for himself, I rearranged a bit to make sure that the items he will most likely use are within easy reach.
2. The day before garbage day is becoming, "Leftover Night" and whatever leftovers aren't eaten are tossed (I don't want anything growing in my containers!) and check for outdated condiments, overripe fruits & veggie, etc. night.
3. My freezer shelves are now designated by food type (Breakfast, Meat, Veggies, Prepared Meals, Breads & Desserts), which helps ensure I do not buy too much of one type of food and not enough of the others (although there may be a bit more dessert than we need).
4. I am also making sure that I label anything I repackage to freeze with a Use By date (if I buy in bulk, I can put some in the refrigerator and freeze the rest).

One last thing:
Since our pantry is sort of a skinny walk in, we can only have shelves on one side. So what do you do with that little bit of space at the end? I put our stacking recycle bins there. It has been so convenient to be able to just stick the empty boxes/cartons while I'm standing there replacing them! You can see by the overflow that we didn't put the Paper bin out last trash day (it was raining-sloppy cardboard-yuck!).

I still have some work to do in the kitchen, mostly with our family "calendar and control center" but this will get me going on the goals of cooking more at home and being a better steward of our resources.

If you have any tips or ideas, I'd love to hear them!

The Little Things

Today has been a very busy day, so this will be a short post but I had a thought I wanted to share.

You know the expressions "it's the little things in life..."? Usually that expression is used as an abbreviation for "It's the little things that make life worth living". However, the expression "the straw that broke the camel's back" shows that it is also the little things that can get to us. You can use this knowledge in your favor!

When you are having a rough day and lots of little things are wearing on your patience and adding to your stress level, remind yourself to deal with one at a time and let each go as you do. If you do that, they cannot build and build until the dam that holds your sanity intact breaks.

If you are facing a very large trial, project, or mess, remind yourself that this mountain is made up of little mole hills. If you can identify those smaller pieces and work on one at a time, you will be halfway done before you know it! Don't try to deal with the mountain as a whole. It will seem impossible and overwhelming and that is what defeats so many of us before we get started.

The other thing that we can do is to look for those little things in life that make it worthwhile: a beautiful sunset, a smile or hug from someone you love, a moment of peace after the chaos, the song of a bird after a storm, a good book, a warm mug of hot cocoa when you come in from the cold, a song that lifts your spirits, a Bible verse that reminds you God loves you and hears you.

His mercies are new every morning

At our house, I have had to use all of these this week.
If you have been following, you know that we have several major (work intensive) projects going on for the house. Partly because they are all interrelated and partly because I have to stop when the weather starts changing and refocus on the farm. If I think about them all at once, it becomes very difficult to figure out what to do next and the amount is overwhelming. If I stop and choose one task and focus on the simple details of "What goes here? What must I do to get it here?" then I can see a path toward completion.

 How B thinks the puzzles should be kept

In my last post I mentioned that the kids had been out of school for three days (and they got half a day yesterday for weather). In those three and a half days, we have had three major meltdowns which ended up in discipline (as I tell J, even when you are upset, you are not allowed to be disrespectful and disobedient) and they all started over something minor! Then B decided that she did not like things being all organized and put away and every time I put something away, she would pull it out. I had been working on the kitchen and we have a couple of shelves for puzzles, coloring stuff, playdoh and cards. I had finally containerized in what we thought she wouldn't be able to open. When I saw everything pulled out for the fifth or fiftieth time, I really felt like giving up. This is where the "deal with one thing at a time and let it go" came in handy.

And in the midst of all of this, I saw a beautiful sunrise and two magnificent sunsets. My SWC wanted to cuddle with me after apologizing for his behavior. My horse gave me an extra nuzzle. I heard several messages and songs on the radio that reminded me that God is near, he loves me and he will get me through.

Another reminder that this is all in God's hands

God is near. He loves you. He will get you through. Take it one step at a time and don't worry about the rest.

Schedule Your Priorities

In our country today, we have become very good at being busy. We schedule so many things in our lives that we don't really have time for any of them. Of course, if you've been reading this blog, you know that this is something I have struggled with as well. As I try to organize the house, which is going to take several major projects, and catch up on the farm work, I must be careful not to neglect the things that are most important.

Regardless of whether my projects are complete or not, my family and my friends still need my time and attention. If I do not take the time to develop those relationships now, I will miss my chance. Friendships develop or fade as you share thoughts, feelings and experiences. Kids will continue to grow and will move on, whether I spend the time to be close to them or not. And if I want my marriage to be as strong (hopefully stronger) when they have grown up and moved out, then I must devote time to my husband and our relationship. You hear about couples who were so busy taking care of the house and the kids that, when their kids are gone, they have nothing left to talk to each other about. I do not want that to be what's in store for me and my Mr- that's not what I married him for.

Similarly, if I do not take time to know God more and get my focus on Him, then I may miss his guiding as I go through my day. It is all too easy to become caught up in the daily tasks and trials. If we want our lives to be about more than the mundane of the day to day, we must have a focus and a purpose that is greater than what is in front of us.

One thing I have learned about myself: if I don't purposefully schedule something, it's not likely to happen. The thing that "I'll do it when I get a chance" will stay just that because there will always be just one more thing that needs to get done. That was what led to my post about making time to ride my horses, which is a pretty high priority for me that I have rarely gotten to do in the last ummm three years. I have to schedule time to meet with God and to be with my friends and family. If I don't, it will either be very infrequent or not happen at all. My mom and I took action on this several months ago when we realized we only saw each other when they were babysitting. Now we have a standing weekly lunch date. We still occasionally miss one, but we see each other a lot more than we did before it was on our calendars. Now I just need to find time to do that with my hubby (sans kids) and friends (we may Have to bring the kids!).

With that in mind, this week I have "scheduled" time to read my Bible (I also like to listen to some of the programs on the radio) and I took some time while my kids were out of school (they got Three days for MLK!) to just be with them and play with them and love on them. And, since part of my greater purpose is trying to raise my kids to be people of character, we have also been introducing (or continuing) some lessons to help them become self-sufficient adults who are compassionate and generous with others. Some of these for J involve simple work and giving him responsibility for a share of the household tasks. I have told him that, in a family, we all help each other. We work best as a team. Of course, B isn't old enough for all of that yet, but we are even teaching her. She is old enough to hang up her own jacket (we have low hooks she can reach) and pick up her toys and put them in the bin. Now we just have to figure out sharing...

Take some time today to spend with the ones you love!

The Great Bread Experiment: Whole Wheat Bread #1

We are continuing our experiment with making our own bread at home. Next up: whole wheat bread. I got the recipe for this one from my Better Homes and Gardens cook book. I think it just may be our sandwich bread but then, there are so many others to try first.

Find the recipe and read my full post about my first homemade Whole Wheat bread on Time to be Mom in the Kitchen.