Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Finding Each Other in the Frenzy
In the past few months since my knee surgery, Mike and I have been frantically trying to catch up on all of the things that needed to be done around the house.
We have gone through (most of) the piles of stuff that had accumulated, replaced our bedroom floor, painted the bedroom, replaced our living room couches FIVE times (don't get the Palmdale sofa at Rooms To Go), cleaned out our bonus room and garage, put shelves up in three closets and an attic and pulled everything out of our closet and attic and redid them so we could fit all our clothes in our closet (not to mention washing all those clothes).
Sound like fun? Maybe. If I wasn't trying to do it all in just 2 months so we could relax on our vacation. Mike is one of those people who can't really relax knowing he is leaving a big pile of unfinished tasks behind. Three good things came of aloof this though: 1. The local charitable organizations received lots of good clothes, etc., 2. We got many of our long awaited projects done, and 3. Mike and I got some valuable time together and he was able to relax on vacation.
For me, #3 made it all worthwhile. There is something about dreaming and planning, then working on something together. Sure, one of us could probably have done it alone (although not as quickly), but working on these things together gave us a chance to remember what a good team we are and share some laughter at our shortcomings. Now we can look at the physical evidence of what we can accomplish together.
In the inevitable frenzy of the holidays, don't forget to find the ones you love and take some time enjoying them.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Experimenting at School
No, I'm not talking about kids experimenting with drugs. I'm talking about parents experimenting with different techniques to help their kids at school.
For those of you that don't know my son, he is a very...interesting kid. He is exuberant and full of life and SUPER smart, but he is also strong-willed and highly emotional and young for his grade. We decided to let him go ahead into kindergarten because he was already bored his last year in preschool because he already knew half of the stuff they are supposed to learn in kindergarten. So now we are dealing with the disparity between his academic level and his maturity level.
His teacher has already hinted that she thinks he might be ADHD. Now, in all fairness, I have had the thought that it might be a possibility before she ever brought it up. However, my husband found a website with the checklist of signs that your child might be ADHD and took the test separately. We both came up with him as not qualifying. I've also talked to several teachers and they said that since he is not having trouble getting his work done and is not having trouble paying attention in all subjects, they don't think he is either.
Here's what I think he IS:
He is an extroverted feeler and the emotional side gets harder for him to hide if he's tired (hence a couple of afternoon meltdowns).
He is high energy and VERY kinesthetic so needs movement and has a hard time being told to sit still.
He is an auditory learner, which I learned means he needs to hear himself say something for it to sink in rather than listening to someone else say it.
He is very smart and gets bored and resentful with repetition (esp if he already knows what is being repeated).
He is strong-willed and will resent and rebel at being told what to do. He is more than happy to work with you if you use "can you do me a favor" or "let's do ___ so we can ___".
He is young for his grade so, while he gets along with his classmates, his attention span and maturity are not as strong as theirs yet.
So, taking all of this into consideration, we are going to try some experiments at school. The goal is to keep his mind and body occupied without boring him or distracting the other students. Here are the ideas we have had so far:
-An exercise ball chair so he can bounce in place at his desk
-A stress ball for him to squish while sitting in group time for sight words
-Fun pencils to visually distract him at his desk
-A clipboard with paper for him to doodle on while he listens sitting in group time
-Have him repeat back instructions or concepts to make sure he's "got it"
-Have the kids make up a story using the sight word(s)
-Make a bingo game with the sight words in the squares
The caveat for any of these is that he has to be paying attention and following the rules with any items he has or they get taken away. I figure we will try one or two at a time and his teacher can let us know which ones are working and which ones aren't.
If anyone has any other ideas, I would love to hear them! You never know which will be the one that works.
For those of you that don't know my son, he is a very...interesting kid. He is exuberant and full of life and SUPER smart, but he is also strong-willed and highly emotional and young for his grade. We decided to let him go ahead into kindergarten because he was already bored his last year in preschool because he already knew half of the stuff they are supposed to learn in kindergarten. So now we are dealing with the disparity between his academic level and his maturity level.
His teacher has already hinted that she thinks he might be ADHD. Now, in all fairness, I have had the thought that it might be a possibility before she ever brought it up. However, my husband found a website with the checklist of signs that your child might be ADHD and took the test separately. We both came up with him as not qualifying. I've also talked to several teachers and they said that since he is not having trouble getting his work done and is not having trouble paying attention in all subjects, they don't think he is either.
Here's what I think he IS:
He is an extroverted feeler and the emotional side gets harder for him to hide if he's tired (hence a couple of afternoon meltdowns).
He is high energy and VERY kinesthetic so needs movement and has a hard time being told to sit still.
He is an auditory learner, which I learned means he needs to hear himself say something for it to sink in rather than listening to someone else say it.
He is very smart and gets bored and resentful with repetition (esp if he already knows what is being repeated).
He is strong-willed and will resent and rebel at being told what to do. He is more than happy to work with you if you use "can you do me a favor" or "let's do ___ so we can ___".
He is young for his grade so, while he gets along with his classmates, his attention span and maturity are not as strong as theirs yet.
So, taking all of this into consideration, we are going to try some experiments at school. The goal is to keep his mind and body occupied without boring him or distracting the other students. Here are the ideas we have had so far:
-An exercise ball chair so he can bounce in place at his desk
-A stress ball for him to squish while sitting in group time for sight words
-Fun pencils to visually distract him at his desk
-A clipboard with paper for him to doodle on while he listens sitting in group time
-Have him repeat back instructions or concepts to make sure he's "got it"
-Have the kids make up a story using the sight word(s)
-Make a bingo game with the sight words in the squares
The caveat for any of these is that he has to be paying attention and following the rules with any items he has or they get taken away. I figure we will try one or two at a time and his teacher can let us know which ones are working and which ones aren't.
If anyone has any other ideas, I would love to hear them! You never know which will be the one that works.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Lessons from Horses
There have been many times as a parent that I have been thankful for the experience and instruction I've had in training horses. Years before my son was born, I told my very tolerant husband that I was glad I had gotten Steele (my favorite horse) as a yearling (one-year-old) and trained him myself before having kids.
Does it sound like I'm reaching for a connection because I like horses? Maybe, but here's why:
Horses mature about 3 "human years" in a calendar year. So when Steele went through the various stages of maturity, they were short enough that I could identify them and not completely loose it before he moved on- good prep for a real kid's longer, more trying stages. I was also able to see the classic up & down of his progress.
Lesson 1: Your child's progress will NOT be a steady climb.
When I began actually riding Steele, he was in his adolescence. Some days, I would get on and he was gentle, obedient and responsive. Other days, he was pushy and tried to go left just because I said go right.
They will have days when they seem so mature, you are astounded. Rejoice in those days! Do NOT expect that to be the norm! Likewise, if your child has a day or week when they are behaving very immature or disobedient, take heart, it will not last. Do not judge your child's behavior today by his behavior yesterday.
Lesson 2: They need a fresh start every day.
If I tried to work with Steele while I was brimming with frustration from the day before, there was no way it would be a good session. My body language would tell him that something was wrong which would make him nervous and not respond the way I wanted him to when I gave cues. Also, since I was still thinking of another session, my full attention would not be on him at the moment and I could miss cues he was giving me (like that I was making him nervous).
Lesson 3: Keeping their brains busy or occupied with good stuff keeps them from coming up with stuff you don't want them to do.
Steele was constantly mentally ahead of where his physical development was. If I continued repeating the exercises that he had already mastered, he began to be disobedient just because he was bored. Since his joints were not ready for the more strenuous next step in training, I had to be creative in coming up with new exercises at the same physical level.
Similarly, my very smart son gets bored at school and we are going to have to come up with some things to keep him occupied so he doesn't get into trouble entertaining himself.
Lesson 4: Use the minimum amount of pressure needed to get the desired result.
I teach my students "ask, tell, make." If you squeeze lightly (ask him to go) and the horse goes, you don't ever have to kick. If he does not go, squeeze hard (tell him to go). If he still does not go, you kick him or use a crop and MAKE him go. If you do not, you are teaching him to ignore your signals. One good kick that makes him go is better than 10 kicks that don't. On the other side, if you start out with kicks and crops, he will never get a chance to go on less than that. In fact, he can become so used to it that more and more strenuous urging is required to make him go.
The same is true of children. If you start out w/yelling and spanking, how will they learn to obey on less than that? Ask them to do it- give them a chance to do what's right. They'll see you trust them to do the right thing instead of assuming they won't. I give mine one more chance before I start leveling consequences. However, if they do not do what you ask, you need to be prepared to follow through on any consequences that you tell them will occur.
FYI - I don't have to kick any of my horses. They have all learned that they can avoid it by going when I squeeze lightly.
Lesson 5: The more time you spend being affectionate with them, the more they will trust you and be willing to work with you.
Steele is now almost fourteen. Over the years, I have made sure to spend some time just rubbing his neck and hanging out with him while he grazed or grooming him without working him. He knows that he is safe when he is with me. He has learned to trust me to the point that we can go through obstacles used for training police horses and go to strange places and he stays calm.
If you spend time being affectionate with your kids and showing them they are safe and loved, they will respond better to instruction/correction and be more willing to talk to you about important things. Don't think that sitting on the couch cuddling can wait because you have housework to do. The housework can wait. Your kids can't.
Does it sound like I'm reaching for a connection because I like horses? Maybe, but here's why:
Horses mature about 3 "human years" in a calendar year. So when Steele went through the various stages of maturity, they were short enough that I could identify them and not completely loose it before he moved on- good prep for a real kid's longer, more trying stages. I was also able to see the classic up & down of his progress.
Lesson 1: Your child's progress will NOT be a steady climb.
When I began actually riding Steele, he was in his adolescence. Some days, I would get on and he was gentle, obedient and responsive. Other days, he was pushy and tried to go left just because I said go right.
They will have days when they seem so mature, you are astounded. Rejoice in those days! Do NOT expect that to be the norm! Likewise, if your child has a day or week when they are behaving very immature or disobedient, take heart, it will not last. Do not judge your child's behavior today by his behavior yesterday.
Lesson 2: They need a fresh start every day.
If I tried to work with Steele while I was brimming with frustration from the day before, there was no way it would be a good session. My body language would tell him that something was wrong which would make him nervous and not respond the way I wanted him to when I gave cues. Also, since I was still thinking of another session, my full attention would not be on him at the moment and I could miss cues he was giving me (like that I was making him nervous).
Lesson 3: Keeping their brains busy or occupied with good stuff keeps them from coming up with stuff you don't want them to do.
Steele was constantly mentally ahead of where his physical development was. If I continued repeating the exercises that he had already mastered, he began to be disobedient just because he was bored. Since his joints were not ready for the more strenuous next step in training, I had to be creative in coming up with new exercises at the same physical level.
Similarly, my very smart son gets bored at school and we are going to have to come up with some things to keep him occupied so he doesn't get into trouble entertaining himself.
Lesson 4: Use the minimum amount of pressure needed to get the desired result.
I teach my students "ask, tell, make." If you squeeze lightly (ask him to go) and the horse goes, you don't ever have to kick. If he does not go, squeeze hard (tell him to go). If he still does not go, you kick him or use a crop and MAKE him go. If you do not, you are teaching him to ignore your signals. One good kick that makes him go is better than 10 kicks that don't. On the other side, if you start out with kicks and crops, he will never get a chance to go on less than that. In fact, he can become so used to it that more and more strenuous urging is required to make him go.
The same is true of children. If you start out w/yelling and spanking, how will they learn to obey on less than that? Ask them to do it- give them a chance to do what's right. They'll see you trust them to do the right thing instead of assuming they won't. I give mine one more chance before I start leveling consequences. However, if they do not do what you ask, you need to be prepared to follow through on any consequences that you tell them will occur.
FYI - I don't have to kick any of my horses. They have all learned that they can avoid it by going when I squeeze lightly.
Lesson 5: The more time you spend being affectionate with them, the more they will trust you and be willing to work with you.
Steele is now almost fourteen. Over the years, I have made sure to spend some time just rubbing his neck and hanging out with him while he grazed or grooming him without working him. He knows that he is safe when he is with me. He has learned to trust me to the point that we can go through obstacles used for training police horses and go to strange places and he stays calm.
If you spend time being affectionate with your kids and showing them they are safe and loved, they will respond better to instruction/correction and be more willing to talk to you about important things. Don't think that sitting on the couch cuddling can wait because you have housework to do. The housework can wait. Your kids can't.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Lessons from Getting Behind
As frustrated as I have been about getting so far behind in my many projects, there has been some value in this time.
I have been reminded how to "go with the flow" when things don't go the way you planned. After all, life is not obliged to follow your plan. The more you can work with where you are and what you have, the less time & energy you spend stressing and the more you can spend on important things; like the ones you love.
Speaking of: I was also reminded that it's not about how clean my house is but my relationship w/my husband & kids. My kids need my time & attention much more than to live in a BH&G worthy house.
I also have learned that I'm not a great multitasker. If I'm working on four projects, they will not be done well if they even get completed. However, if I focus on one at a time, all four are not only completed (in a timely manner) but are well done. Going forward, I need to prioritize my projects, then work on one at a time.
These insights & reminders have come none too soon as we adjust to having a baby and our son adjusts to kindergarten and I attempt to catch up & move forward in the house and on the farm. I am excited that we have already made some progress in getting our garage & bonus/play room cleared out & organized. Maybe we'll even be able to have people over!
I have been reminded how to "go with the flow" when things don't go the way you planned. After all, life is not obliged to follow your plan. The more you can work with where you are and what you have, the less time & energy you spend stressing and the more you can spend on important things; like the ones you love.
Speaking of: I was also reminded that it's not about how clean my house is but my relationship w/my husband & kids. My kids need my time & attention much more than to live in a BH&G worthy house.
I also have learned that I'm not a great multitasker. If I'm working on four projects, they will not be done well if they even get completed. However, if I focus on one at a time, all four are not only completed (in a timely manner) but are well done. Going forward, I need to prioritize my projects, then work on one at a time.
These insights & reminders have come none too soon as we adjust to having a baby and our son adjusts to kindergarten and I attempt to catch up & move forward in the house and on the farm. I am excited that we have already made some progress in getting our garage & bonus/play room cleared out & organized. Maybe we'll even be able to have people over!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Kid Quotes
You know how people always say "Kids say the darndest things"? Well, like any other kid, my son has had some great ones. Of course, with my memory, they are gone before I can share them, much less recall them fondly years later.
Many people have photo albums or scrapbooks to capture some of the moments of their kids lives, but what about their words? Unless you want to take & store hours of video, you're going to have to write them down.
I mentioned in one of my other posts that my husband has been trying to get me to be more tech-saavy. One of the things he introduced to me was Evernote on our phones/internet. I never remember things long enough to write them down when I get to a pen and paper but I always have my phone. Now I can take the note in my phone before I forget, then notate them in a notebook or scrapbook.
I would like to believe that I will take the time to make a nice scrapbook for each of our kids. In reality, I'm still working on catching up on many projects trying to get my home back in order, so there will not be extra time to do that for awhile...plenty of time for me to forget all the little details to comment on for it. Here again I'm hoping that I can remember to make use of my fancy phone so that I can look back at my notes and be reminded of the funny stories that go along with those pictures.
A few of my son's cute quotes:
Age 1-2
Good job changing my diaper Daddy!
I glad you here. (when I had been out of town)
You pretty Mommy? (when my husband told him to tell me I was pretty)
Only boys have balls, Mommy. (he & Mike were rolling 2 balls & I was cooking dinner)
Age 3-4
Aw, man! That messes up my fun!
That would be BIG dumb! (about playing 4 sports at once- apparently 3 are ok)
She's so cute I could die! (about baby sister)
Bree gets my first hug & kiss every day. (instead of me- I'm ok with that)
You should put Bree (baby sister) in a pretty dress every day.
Many people have photo albums or scrapbooks to capture some of the moments of their kids lives, but what about their words? Unless you want to take & store hours of video, you're going to have to write them down.
I mentioned in one of my other posts that my husband has been trying to get me to be more tech-saavy. One of the things he introduced to me was Evernote on our phones/internet. I never remember things long enough to write them down when I get to a pen and paper but I always have my phone. Now I can take the note in my phone before I forget, then notate them in a notebook or scrapbook.
I would like to believe that I will take the time to make a nice scrapbook for each of our kids. In reality, I'm still working on catching up on many projects trying to get my home back in order, so there will not be extra time to do that for awhile...plenty of time for me to forget all the little details to comment on for it. Here again I'm hoping that I can remember to make use of my fancy phone so that I can look back at my notes and be reminded of the funny stories that go along with those pictures.
A few of my son's cute quotes:
Age 1-2
Good job changing my diaper Daddy!
I glad you here. (when I had been out of town)
You pretty Mommy? (when my husband told him to tell me I was pretty)
Only boys have balls, Mommy. (he & Mike were rolling 2 balls & I was cooking dinner)
Age 3-4
Aw, man! That messes up my fun!
That would be BIG dumb! (about playing 4 sports at once- apparently 3 are ok)
She's so cute I could die! (about baby sister)
Bree gets my first hug & kiss every day. (instead of me- I'm ok with that)
You should put Bree (baby sister) in a pretty dress every day.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Catching Up
Wow. I am amazed to see how long it's been since I've written a post and how much has happened since then.
My last post was written in late February. Since then I have had my baby (now SIX months old!), Mike changed jobs, I had knee surgery and LOTS of physical therapy, and Josh turned 5 and unexpectedly started kindergarten (long story).
Since my knee remained messed up after having my daughter, I continued to get farther & farther behind on my projects until it healed from surgery (FIVE MONTHS after she was born). Now I am playing the catch up game that many of us are all too familiar with.
The interesting thing is that, since I started this whole blogging thing because I was already behind on so many things, I could repost my earlier blogs and they would still fit. Let's see if I actually learned anything from my experiences.
Right now I am in the "Prioritzing & Planning" stage. Without this stage, I get too many balls in the air & end up droppIng them all. I need to remember what I learned about balancing immediacy with importance as I plan so I don't miss any deadlines (or opportunities).
My last post was written in late February. Since then I have had my baby (now SIX months old!), Mike changed jobs, I had knee surgery and LOTS of physical therapy, and Josh turned 5 and unexpectedly started kindergarten (long story).
Since my knee remained messed up after having my daughter, I continued to get farther & farther behind on my projects until it healed from surgery (FIVE MONTHS after she was born). Now I am playing the catch up game that many of us are all too familiar with.
The interesting thing is that, since I started this whole blogging thing because I was already behind on so many things, I could repost my earlier blogs and they would still fit. Let's see if I actually learned anything from my experiences.
Right now I am in the "Prioritzing & Planning" stage. Without this stage, I get too many balls in the air & end up droppIng them all. I need to remember what I learned about balancing immediacy with importance as I plan so I don't miss any deadlines (or opportunities).
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Contentment
Have you ever come across the same message or idea over and over in a short period of time? Eventually, you realize that maybe somebody is trying to tell you something. I've had that happen this week.
Some of you may know that I am in the last weeks of pregnancy. In this last month, when I had planned on being productive and finishing my preparations for my new little one, everything seems to have been conspiring against the idea.
The first thing to be delayed was the painting of the nursery. My mother, whom I love dearly, is easily distracted and, feeling she had plenty of time, began several of her own projects at her house rather than working on the painting. Of course, being pregnant, I can not do the painting right now.
I also can't get all my wonderful baby shower gifts and things put away in the room with all the furniture stacked in the middle, so the bags of baby things are still sitting in my living room- TWO WEEKS after the shower!! Frustrated yet?
The second thing to go was my knee, quickly followed by my back. So much for all of the walking and bending that things like cleaning and organizing require. And my poor husband has had to take over the horses because I'm not supposed to walk that much. There goes any time he would have had for helping me with house stuff.
To go along with my already limited movement, we then had an awful cold sweep through the ENTIRE family! One of those achy, coughing, congested, chills kind of colds. Now absolutely NO ONE is getting ANYTHING beyond "must eat" done. Frustrated doesn't even come close at this point.
The interesting thing about all of this is that, while I have been stuck on the couch or bed, I decided to go back and read some of my old books. Several by Janette Oke, since I knew they are good and fast reads. I came across a recurring theme. That of contentment, usually paired with trusting God to meet our needs. The character in one book (The Bluebird and The Sparrow) had been insulted over and over again and become bitter. Then she realized that her attitude had made things much worse than they needed to be. If she had allowed herself to be content and forgiven the perceived injustices, she could have spent many of those years enjoying life.
I also listen to the teaching programs on my local Christian station when I am driving to my many doctor appointments. Since my appointment schedule is a little irregular, I will catch different programs on different days. By Thursday, this theme of contentment being a choice regardless of your circumstances rather than being happy because of your circumstances had been on at least five of the programs I caught. Neon sign anyone?
One point that I thought was really interesting was brought up on a program called Walk in the Word. The speaker mentioned Phillipians 4:13. Many of us know it "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He was saying how we often quote that verse and take it completely out of context. Paul wrote this book while he was in prison. In the verses before that, he is saying that he has "learned to be content whatever the circumstances". THAT is what he was talking about being able to do. Not pass a test, or win a game or get a job, but to be content and trust God regardless of what trial or reward he was given.
Hopefully, I will be able to take this lesson to heart. Rather than being frustrated that my working students are not doing the barn chores the way I would do them, I will be glad to have the help. Rather than being upset that my house is not neat and organized, I will do what I can and remind myself that I have a husband who does not love me because of my cleaning skills. Rather than be exasperated that the nursery is not ready, I will be glad that we have a bassinet in our room and will have some extra time before we need the nursery. And every time I trip over a gift bag, I will be thankful that we have such a supportive and loving church family who care enough for us to make sure we have all the things we will need to care for our precious new little one.
Some of you may know that I am in the last weeks of pregnancy. In this last month, when I had planned on being productive and finishing my preparations for my new little one, everything seems to have been conspiring against the idea.
The first thing to be delayed was the painting of the nursery. My mother, whom I love dearly, is easily distracted and, feeling she had plenty of time, began several of her own projects at her house rather than working on the painting. Of course, being pregnant, I can not do the painting right now.
I also can't get all my wonderful baby shower gifts and things put away in the room with all the furniture stacked in the middle, so the bags of baby things are still sitting in my living room- TWO WEEKS after the shower!! Frustrated yet?
The second thing to go was my knee, quickly followed by my back. So much for all of the walking and bending that things like cleaning and organizing require. And my poor husband has had to take over the horses because I'm not supposed to walk that much. There goes any time he would have had for helping me with house stuff.
To go along with my already limited movement, we then had an awful cold sweep through the ENTIRE family! One of those achy, coughing, congested, chills kind of colds. Now absolutely NO ONE is getting ANYTHING beyond "must eat" done. Frustrated doesn't even come close at this point.
The interesting thing about all of this is that, while I have been stuck on the couch or bed, I decided to go back and read some of my old books. Several by Janette Oke, since I knew they are good and fast reads. I came across a recurring theme. That of contentment, usually paired with trusting God to meet our needs. The character in one book (The Bluebird and The Sparrow) had been insulted over and over again and become bitter. Then she realized that her attitude had made things much worse than they needed to be. If she had allowed herself to be content and forgiven the perceived injustices, she could have spent many of those years enjoying life.
I also listen to the teaching programs on my local Christian station when I am driving to my many doctor appointments. Since my appointment schedule is a little irregular, I will catch different programs on different days. By Thursday, this theme of contentment being a choice regardless of your circumstances rather than being happy because of your circumstances had been on at least five of the programs I caught. Neon sign anyone?
One point that I thought was really interesting was brought up on a program called Walk in the Word. The speaker mentioned Phillipians 4:13. Many of us know it "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He was saying how we often quote that verse and take it completely out of context. Paul wrote this book while he was in prison. In the verses before that, he is saying that he has "learned to be content whatever the circumstances". THAT is what he was talking about being able to do. Not pass a test, or win a game or get a job, but to be content and trust God regardless of what trial or reward he was given.
Hopefully, I will be able to take this lesson to heart. Rather than being frustrated that my working students are not doing the barn chores the way I would do them, I will be glad to have the help. Rather than being upset that my house is not neat and organized, I will do what I can and remind myself that I have a husband who does not love me because of my cleaning skills. Rather than be exasperated that the nursery is not ready, I will be glad that we have a bassinet in our room and will have some extra time before we need the nursery. And every time I trip over a gift bag, I will be thankful that we have such a supportive and loving church family who care enough for us to make sure we have all the things we will need to care for our precious new little one.
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